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i'm good. but theres some things i've been wanting to say here... but i tot it would be inappropriate. coz i didnt want anyone to misunderstand wat im trying to say. all i wanna do is to let it out. this is the avenue of my thoughts and feelings. i need to let it all out so that i can feel better. so heres wat i had wanted to say but didnt had the courage to say.
first, i must admit that i may not be understanding enough on my part. given the situation and wat u're goin thru, i could have done better. but wat i dun understand is this. all i did was expressing i was quite bummed tat the meeting was cancelled. i was just saying how i reali felt at the point in time and had zero meaning of making you feel guilty. you on the other hand did not express any unpleasant feelings towards me. everything seemed ok. at least to me. but i guess it was not. and i didnt know y u couldnt just tell me how u feel. i didnt know i couldnt even feel sian about wats going on.
come the next day, i didnt know wat got over me but i was feeling super sian when u came. be it work or watever. i have to apologise for that. im sorry. but it has nothing to do with you being late. not at all. i was upset because u had wanted to meet your fren over the weekend. im not being unreasonable here. i've been working late every single day of the week and i tot weekends were worth looking forward to as we can spend some time together. but u wanted to meet your fren instead. understand this from my point of view.. we just got together and its supposed to be the honeymoon period so i would think spending time together was only normal. im not saying u cant meet your frens. its just.... well i duno any other way to put it. but tats wat im trying to say. and pls dun misinterpret into sth reali bad.
we all had bad days. and tat was one of mine. i didnt know u were unhappy with me till much later. i know u haf alot of problems to handle, but u made me feel like getting upset or angry with you is wrong. i may not have been enuff serious relationships, actually none, but i think u making me feel tat way isnt right. maybe im reali not understanding enuff for u. maybe i just dun understand. maybe i just dun get it.
so one day had passed. and out of the blue u sent this long msg which totally threw me off. maybe its been building up in u and it was just too much for u after wat happened on fri, which i truly think wasnt sth tat bad.. it wasnt even an argument. i duno wat happened to u tat night but i know u were not in a veri good state of mind. i could feel everything's coming at one go for u and it must have been reali hard. and i must say i reali dun understand wat shit u're going through. nobody would.
but tat aside, i think its wrong for u to use the words u used. becoz its like in just one night, u managed to turn everything ard and made me the bad person. u brought up wat happened on thurs when u had to cancel the meeting. and u said i made u feel guilty for cancelling and that i am selfish. i duno wat im supposed to think. u made me feel like a terrible person and a veri bad gf. and all i did was kept apologising to you. its like i couldnt even stand up for myself.
and then u said abt me feeling so happy bumping into a fren whom i've not seen for a long time and hugging him, when earlier tat nite i was so sian when im with u. its totally ridiculous to me becoz u're just bringing out different matters and putting them together and making me at fault for things i did not do wrong. i also duno how u get the idea im ALWAYS sian when we're out. i just dun get it.
u're going through alot. i know. but i think it does not give u the right to lash out things and blaming me for everything. everyone says people says hurtful things at times like this. but its just wrong.
u seem to overlook the fact that im new to this. having to deal with wat u're going through when we just got together. any normal person would need time to adapt. but u dun see it. i think u expected more from me than i could offer.
u're right tat we're not compatible. deep down i know we're not. but i tot it was worth a try. i remember telling a fren i felt like im nt good enuff for u.. but now i know its just coz we're different.
this post is NOT at any intention making u look bad. its just wat i wanted to say. and letting u see from my point of view. wat u said tat day reali hurt me and i just felt like shit.
but now i am ok. i am good. i know u've moved on and tat things at home are getting better. i only hope from now on, everything will only get better. for u. as well as for me.
take care. |
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| glanced at the mirror at 7:23 PM |
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